A Lesson From The Bush-Cheney School Of Economics, Washington, DC

Main campus of the Bush-Cheney School of Economics, Washington, DC

<wishful-thinking>

OK class, ready for today’s lesson?

Good …Repeat ten times after me:

We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession.

Very good. Now, to recap…

We are not in a recession.

Any questions ?

Yes, the fellow in the back row, go ahead…

“Professor Routing By Rumor, you are repeating the administration’s claims, and telling us that there’s no recession, yet there are signs everywhere you look that tell you otherwise. In fact, Professor, you’d have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not see proof everywhere that we are indeed in a deep recession, or worse. You know, Professor, denial is not just a river in Egypt !”

I’m the professor here, and there’s no recession because I said there’s no recession. That’s sort of like how it works in Washington, too. All they have to do is adjust the definition of a recession to fit their needs. And for every fact you can produce that proves we’re in a recession, they can dredge up ten that will prove we’re not in a recession. Of course, they haven’t lost touch with reality completely, and they realize that they have to admit to some bad news. So they tell us we’re inching close to a recession, but that the U.S. economy is still healthy. Maybe a tad sluggish, a bit of a downturn, a slight dip perhaps, but not a recession. Definitely not in a recession. Call it anything you like, but don’t call it a recession.

</wishful-thinking>

<reality>

Today, while discussing the latest employment figures, President Bush said “That’s a sign that this economy is not as robust as any of us would like it,”. Saying that the U.S. economy is not as robust as we would like it is like saying the Titanic was not as waterproof as they would have liked it. Mr. Bush wins first prize in the Routing By Rumor understatement of the year contest. He gets two (2) one-way tickets from Washington, DC to Texas, valid until January 20th, 2009. We figured he’d want to take Laura home with him, so we thought the second ticket would be a nice touch. If he wishes to use the tickets sooner, so much the better for the U.S. economy, not to mention the mess in Iraq.

The economy is getting worse on a daily basis. Bankruptcies, foreclosures, layoffs, and downsizings are at record levels. The cost of living is going up at record levels. Gasoline and food prices are increasing daily. We’re starting to see retailers ration some foods. Decent paying jobs with good benefits are becoming harder and harder to find, if they exist at all. The real estate market is in horrific shape. Interest income has evaporated for millions of seniors that depended on it to survive, and you can’t find a good place to invest your money… certainly not Wall Street.

You are probably asking yourself when the administration will start being honest with the American public, so here’s what we believe to be a likely timetable…

It’s a pretty good bet that hell will freeze over before the Bush administration acknowledges a recession.

Expect to see Osama Bin Laden release a video apologizing to America, before George Bush admits what 99% of America already knows.

You will see Cuba become the 51st state before the White House levels with you about the economy.

Chances are that Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez will proclaim his love for America before George Bush takes off his rose-colored glasses, and sees the world the way everyone else does.

Iran and Hamas will each profess their love for Israel before you hear the “R” word coming from George’s lips.

Shites and Sunnis will be kissing each other and dancing in the streets of downtown Baghdad, on the same day that the New York Times prints the headline “Bush Says Economy Is In Recession”.

Friends, it just ain’t gonna happen.

</reality>

Oh… and while we’re on the subject of hell freezing over, here’s something you’ll see when that happens.

credit: worth1000.com & talkintrumpeter2

– Routing By Rumor

$4.00 / Gallon Gasoline Is On It’s Way. Can You Say “Fill’er Up”?

Tom’s Shell in Madison, Wisconsin (photographed 4/25/2001)

And you think things are tough now?

Just when you thought it was safe to pull into the gas station, the experts are predicting that oil prices are going to continue their upward climb.  Oil has been closing at new record highs almost every day lately.

Actually, we think that all Americans expect to see  $4.00 $5.00/ gallon gasoline pretty soon.  Well, all except President Bush. He hasn’t been in the loop when it comes to energy prices (or most anything else, apparently). Here’s a CNN video of the February 28, 2008 press conference where Mr. Bush expresses his utter bewilderment that the experts are predicting $4.00 / gallon gas. Kinda surprising, considering that he is from an oil family, from Texas, and the leader of the free world. Then again, we don’t think Mr. Bush has had to pull any of his limos up to the pump lately. To be fair, he did say he knew “it was high”. Speaking of being high…

We think he would have been just as surprised to hear that gas has been over $3.00 / gallon for some time already. Here’s the full transcript, (where you will also find a link to video) of the entire press conference.

We know you don’t get out much these days, George. What, with the war in Iraq, and having to give orders to shoot down spy satellites and save the world from deadly hydrazine and all. But you DO surf the Web, don’t you? You do read this blog, don’t you?

We were actually hoping the spy satellite would land in our backyard. Your car gets twice as good gas mileage on hydrazine as it does on unleaded premium. We would have dragged that sucker into the garage and pumped it’s tank dry.

If high gasoline prices cause you to run out of gas when far from home, here’s one solution.

Readers can do their part. Next time you’re at the gas station, snap a picture of the gas prices, and e-mail it to the President. Unfortunately, the White House contact page lists Vice President Dick Cheney’s e-mail address, but not the President’s. Send Mr. Cheney the photo, along with a note asking him to please wake up the President and show him the e-mail. While he’s at it, perhaps Mr. Cheney can have Al Gore pay Mr. Bush a visit, and teach him how to use the Internet. After all, he did invent it.

Next time your gas gauge says “empty”, don’t bother pulling in and asking for five or ten bucks worth of gas. They’ll laugh you right out of the station. Could the $100.00 fill-up be too far off? Gas is reportedly already above $4.00/gallon in some places, such as San Francisco. Once it tops $5.00, that $100.00 fill-up could be the new reality. Can Americans afford this? What about the impact this is having on the cost of consumer goods!

The economists at RoutingByRumor predict that you’ll see gasoline break the $4.00/gallon mark this summer. And if unforeseen problems arise in the Middle East, you could see it go much higher than that. When your economic stimulus check arrives, don’t forget to take it with you to the gas station. Just think of it as President Bush’s gift to “big oil”.

If you think inflation is out of control now, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. See our recent post about what the price of oil is doing to the U.S. economy.

As Esso (or was it Humble Oil) used to say, “Happy Motoring”.

Hybrid and electric vehicles are looking better all the time.

– RoutingByRumor