Main campus of the Bush-Cheney School of Economics, Washington, DC
OK class, ready for today’s lesson?
Good …Repeat ten times after me:
We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession. We are not in a recession.
Very good. Now, to recap…
We are not in a recession.
Any questions ?
Yes, the fellow in the back row, go ahead…
“Professor Routing By Rumor, you are repeating the administration’s claims, and telling us that there’s no recession, yet there are signs everywhere you look that tell you otherwise. In fact, Professor, you’d have to be deaf, dumb and blind to not see proof everywhere that we are indeed in a deep recession, or worse. You know, Professor, denial is not just a river in Egypt !”
I’m the professor here, and there’s no recession because I said there’s no recession. That’s sort of like how it works in Washington, too. All they have to do is adjust the definition of a recession to fit their needs. And for every fact you can produce that proves we’re in a recession, they can dredge up ten that will prove we’re not in a recession. Of course, they haven’t lost touch with reality completely, and they realize that they have to admit to some bad news. So they tell us we’re inching close to a recession, but that the U.S. economy is still healthy. Maybe a tad sluggish, a bit of a downturn, a slight dip perhaps, but not a recession. Definitely not in a recession. Call it anything you like, but don’t call it a recession.
Today, while discussing the latest employment figures, President Bush said “That’s a sign that this economy is not as robust as any of us would like it,”. Saying that the U.S. economy is not as robust as we would like it is like saying the Titanic was not as waterproof as they would have liked it. Mr. Bush wins first prize in the Routing By Rumor understatement of the year contest. He gets two (2) one-way tickets from Washington, DC to Texas, valid until January 20th, 2009. We figured he’d want to take Laura home with him, so we thought the second ticket would be a nice touch. If he wishes to use the tickets sooner, so much the better for the U.S. economy, not to mention the mess in Iraq.
The economy is getting worse on a daily basis. Bankruptcies, foreclosures, layoffs, and downsizings are at record levels. The cost of living is going up at record levels. Gasoline and food prices are increasing daily. We’re starting to see retailers ration some foods. Decent paying jobs with good benefits are becoming harder and harder to find, if they exist at all. The real estate market is in horrific shape. Interest income has evaporated for millions of seniors that depended on it to survive, and you can’t find a good place to invest your money… certainly not Wall Street.
You are probably asking yourself when the administration will start being honest with the American public, so here’s what we believe to be a likely timetable…
It’s a pretty good bet that hell will freeze over before the Bush administration acknowledges a recession.
Expect to see Osama Bin Laden release a video apologizing to America, before George Bush admits what 99% of America already knows.
You will see Cuba become the 51st state before the White House levels with you about the economy.
Chances are that Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez will proclaim his love for America before George Bush takes off his rose-colored glasses, and sees the world the way everyone else does.
Iran and Hamas will each profess their love for Israel before you hear the “R” word coming from George’s lips.
Shites and Sunnis will be kissing each other and dancing in the streets of downtown Baghdad, on the same day that the New York Times prints the headline “Bush Says Economy Is In Recession”.
Friends, it just ain’t gonna happen.
Oh… and while we’re on the subject of hell freezing over, here’s something you’ll see when that happens.
– Routing By Rumor